| There's
nothing inherently wrong with possessions. There are many things that we can own that can improve our quality of life,
that can add new dimensions to our experiences here on this
planet. Possessions can't be bad on their own, for they are,
for the most part, just things. The things themselves can't
do anything to us, and they can't make us do anything that we
don't want to do or become anything we don't want to become.
Whether we're talking about cars or stereos or cd's or books or
clothes or anything else, things we own do not determine who we
are as human beings.
Unless we
choose to let them do so, that is, and many people do so.
Possessions seem to be seductive by their very nature--having
something empowers us, and power is one of the most seductive
forces known to humankind. We often feel that owning a
certain item can make us more desirable to others as a person, as
a friend, as a significant other. Having a certain car can
show others that we have good taste, that we have a lot of money,
that we're a certain type of person (practical, rebellious,
strong--whatever). Owning a certain set of books can show
that we're cultured, intelligent, broad-minded, appreciative of
good humor--again, whatever. Almost
all of us get satisfaction from our possessions, and we use our
possessions to establish common points of interest. If we
see someone who has the same type of anything that we have--cd,
car, shoes, or even a calculator--we have an immediate point in
common, a place where we can start a conversation about the
object. "Oh, you have that, too? I love
mine--what do you think about yours?" They're very
convenient that way, and they serve a vital social role for many
people who haven't yet learned to start such interactions on a
different level. Possessions
should reflect who we are. We usually choose our possessions
carefully based on the image we wish to project. This shows
up most obviously in our clothing, but it certainly extends past
our clothes. Problems arise when we allow our possessions to
do our talking for us, and they no longer reflect who we are--we
become the kind of person who we think owns that type of
possession. I own the car I own because of the type of
person I am--I was looking something practical, affordable, and
economical, and the car I own shows those traits. I wasn't
looking for anything to send a message to anyone, but I was
looking for something that was proven to be safe, that got good
gas mileage, and that wouldn't take too much money out of my
checking account each month. In those ways, it's a
reflection of who I am. On
the other hand, I have a friend who bought a car based on the
image he wanted to project. He wanted people to think he was
powerful (he's not), that he had good taste (his taste tends to
run with whatever's popular at the moment), and that he had money
to burn (he didn't). So he bought a car that he couldn't
really afford, and he struggles now to make payments and to keep
the gas tank full. What's
worse, though, is that he changes when he's around his car.
He's a bit more arrogant, and he's always looking around to see
who's noticing his car. Few people notice, which gets him
very frustrated--in this way, this "great car" has hurt
him and his image of himself. His expectations of what life
would be like with a cool new car never were met, and he feels bad
because of it. That's
one way that possessions can be an obstacle to a full life--they
can disappoint us when we expect much out of them. We may
expect the fact of ownership to be fulfilling or to make our lives
better, but it won't. And that leads to disappointment,
disillusionment, disenchantment--hurt. Another
way that possessions can hurt us is when they start piling up,
never being used any more. When we constantly need new
things, we're looking for something outside of ourselves to
provide us with satisfaction. There are many people who live
to buy--they always want to find the newest gadgets, games, or
fashions, and the older ones pile up in the house. This is
most disastrous when you need to move, but even if a move isn't in
your future, keeping all of the things around can be a very
unpleasant reminder of the failed attempts to find gratification
through an object, through a possession. For
me, music has been a major obstacle in my efforts to simplify my
life. My music collection was vast, and I hadn't listened to
much of it in years. I could go searching and find cd's that
I hadn't even seen in years, much less heard. They
took a lot of time and effort to manage and to maintain, and I
didn't even listen to most of them. It wasn't until I
started to get rid of them that I started to feel a weight lifting
off my shoulders--letting go of the music was one of the best
things I could do for myself. And I find that I don't miss
the music that I've gotten rid of--there's plenty of new stuff
coming out that I can hear (but not buy) to keep me interested. I
do have other possessions that I haven't used for a long time, and
they also just kind of hang around--they've also been marked to
go. And getting rid of them doesn't hurt like I thought it
would. In fact, it's a very good feeling to get rid of the
old stuff. It's
time to beware of possessions when they start to control
you--either when they make you act as you normally wouldn't act,
or when they make you keep them around long after their usefulness
has worn out. Our lives are our lives, and it's important
that we develop who we are, not what we have. Possessions
are a very positive part of life--there are many things that I
have that I love to have--but if we ever let them control us, then
they've become an obstacle to our happiness.
from livinglifefully.com |
