the younger generation as if they
didn't have anything to do
get so sick and tired of hearing people gripe about what
their parents did to them. You know what your
parents did to you? The best thing they could
do. The best thing they knew how, the only thing in
many cases that they knew how. Nobody has set out
maliciously to hurt their child, unless they were
Buscaglia, Living, Loving, and Learning
responsibility as a parent is not as great as you might imagine.
You need not supply the world with the next conqueror of disease
or major motion-picture star. If your child simply grows up to be
someone who does not use the word "collectible" as a
noun, you can consider yourself an unqualified success.
-Fran Lebowitz, "Parental Guidance"
held my newborn baby in my arms, I used to think that what I said and did
to him could have an influence not only on him but on all whom he met, not
only for a day or a month or a year, but for all eternity--a very
challenging and exciting thought for a mother.
The guys who
fear becoming fathers don't understand that fathering is not something
perfect men do, but something that perfects the man. The end product of
child raising is not the child but the parent.
we guide by our unspoken example. It is only when we're talking to them
that our kids aren't listening. -Robert Brault
have never apologized to their children are monsters. If they're always
apologizing, their children are monsters. -Mignon
It's not only children who
grow. Parents do too. As much as we watch to see what our children do with
their lives, they are watching us to see what we do with ours. I can't
tell my children to reach for the sun. All I can do is reach for it,
myself. -Joyce Maynard
If I had my child to raise
all over again,
I'd build self-esteem first, and the house later.
I'd finger-paint more, and point the finger less.
I would do less correcting and more connecting.
I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.
I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.
I'd do more hugging and less tugging.
"If I Had My Child To Raise Over Again"
really understand human nature unless you know why a child on a
merry-go-round will wave at his or her parents every time around--and why
the parents will always wave back. -William D.
Our parents can show us a
lot of things: they can show us how we are to be and what things we ought
to strive for, or they can show us how not to be and what things we ought
to stray from, then you may have the kind of parents that show you all the
things about you that you want to get rid of and you realize those traits
aren't yours at all but are merely your parents' marks that have rubbed
off onto you. -C. JoyBell C
No matter how far we come,
our parents are always in us. -Brad Meltzer, The
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Avoid providing material for
the drama that is always stretched tight between parents and children; it
uses up much of the childrenís strength and wastes the love of the
elders, which acts and warms even if it doesnít comprehend. Donít ask
for advice from them and donít expect any understanding; but believe in
a love that is being stored up for you like an inheritance, and have faith
that in this love there is strength and blessing so large that you can
travel as far as you wish without having to step outside it.
Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet
The job of every generation
is to discover the flaws of the one that came before it. That's part of
growing up, figuring out all the ways your parents and their friends are
broken. -Justine Larbalestier
All parents damage their
children. It cannot be helped. Youth, like pristine glass, absorbs the
prints of its handlers. Some parents smudge, others crack, a few shatter
childhoods completely into jagged little pieces, beyond
We realized that the version
of the world they rendered for us was not the version of the world they
really believed in. -Jeffrey Eugenides
Of course, everyone's
parents are embarrassing. It goes with the territory. The nature of
parents is to embarrass merely by existing, just as it is the nature of
children of a certain age to cringe with embarrassment, shame, and
mortification should their parents so much as speak to them on the
street. -Neil Gaiman
Through the blur, I wondered
if I was alone or if other parents felt the same way I did--that
everything involving our children was painful in some way. The emotions,
whether they were joy, sorrow, love or pride, were so deep and sharp that
in the end they left you raw, exposed and yes, in pain. The human heart
was not designed to beat outside the human body and yet, each child
represented just that--a parent's heart bared, beating forever outside its
chest. -Debra Ginsberg
Nothing has a stronger
influence psychologically on their environment, and especially on their
children, than the unlived life of the parents. -Carl
Parenthood. . . It's about
guiding the next generation, and forgiving the
last. -Peter Krause
you have one parent who loves you, even if they can't buy you
clothes, they're so poor and they make all kinds of mistakes and
maybe sometimes they even give you awful advice, but never for one
moment do you doubt their love for you--if you have this, you have
incredibly good fortune.
If you have two parents who love you? You have won life's Lotto.
If you do not have parents, or if the parents you have are so
broken and so, frankly, terrible that they are no improvement over
nothing, this is fine.
It's not ideal because it's harder without adults who love you
more than they love themselves. But harder is just harder, that's
Augusten Burroughs This Is How
Wanting what's best for your kids is
all about the child. It's about helping them find something they
are passionate about so they are intrinsically driven to reveal
the strengths that God gave them, whether in art, music, sports,
writing, academics, or community service.
Wanting them to
be the best is all about me. My expectations. My fears. So I
yell at them from the stands, correct them after lessons, and coax
them into activities that suck the fun out of childhood. And in
the process, I teach them that their worth is wrapped up in how
they perform. I teach them that second place is losing. I teach
them that judgment is more important than love and acceptance.
And it is
so wrong. -Scott Dannemiller
As parents, we must be
convinced of our beliefs. We must know where we stand, so
that our children will know where they
stand. -Kim Boyce
naturally inquisitive and love to try new things. But they
cannot find these things by themselves; someone must offer them
the choices. Years ago, when the Quiz Kids were astonishing
American radio audiences with their brilliance, a writer set out
to discover what common denominators there were in the backgrounds
of these extraordinary children. He found that some were
from poor families, some from rich; some had been to superior
schools, some had not.
But, in every case investigated, there was one
parent, sometimes two, who shared enthusiasms with the child, who
watched for areas of interest, who gave encouragement and praise
for achievement, who made a game of searching out the answers to
questions, who went out of the way to supply the tools of
learning. No doubt the capacity for outstanding performance
was already there, but it took the love and interest and
companionship of a parent to bring it out.
-Arthur Gordon, A
Touch of Wonder